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I Belong.... Amen !
I guess you could say I was CONCEIVED in sin as my Mom and my Dad were not married.....to each other that is. They were married to their spouses, although they were separated from their spouses. And to top it off I wasn't in my Mother's womb for 3 months when my Dad committed suicide. So I was already going to have a rough ride from the very beginning. I can remember being intimate with other boys when I was a child as young as 7 years old. There were even a couple of teenagers and a grown man here and there. I do not know when or where I was when I decided I was a homosexual, but I was "out of the closet" by the age of 14. I was accepted by my family so I never had to hide anything. I had boyfriends and some even got to spend the night, or nights, with me now and then. We moved to Philadelphia when I was just 14 and it was a whole new world for me. The big city of brotherly love, was it ever. I instantly found the downtown Center City hangouts where the gays were. I was just as instantly accepted by everyone that was hanging out. I was a pretty boy type and could even pass for a girl at the time. I was young and my male hormones had yet to awaken. I met and hung out with some drag-queens, also known as transsexuals or transvestites. They really looked out for me and took me under their wings. In no time I was taking female hormones, getting dressed up in drag and prostituting myself on the streets. Throughout my teen years I had gotten locked up, runaway, slept in parks, prostituted, did drugs, gotten raped, gotten beat up, robbed and then I got locked up again, and ordered by the judge to an all boys school where I had to live for about a year. I didn't have any problems there either as I was instantly accepted and I was the only openly gay there. I got along with pretty much everyone, and it did not take me long to find the ones that wanted to engage in the forbidden. Able to go home on weekends after awhile allowed me to get closer to my Mom again. I put her through so much that she was at her wit's end by the time I had runaway. I got my High School diploma while I was there, and then I was sent home. It wasn't long before I was back hanging out downtown and getting dressed up as a woman and prostituting again. I would move in with friends for a few months and then go back home to Mom when it got too rough and she always welcomed me back with open arms. My best friend was murdered when I was 19 and that really took its toll on me. I was drinking alcohol and doing a lot of drugs, marijuana and cocaine. By age 20 I finally decided to go into a program called Job Corps, where you can live and get a degree/certificate in a certain field. I was not there for one month before I had to leave and go home, I had to go home because in that facility is where I found out I was HIV+. 20 years old, HIV+, homosexual and I thought I was going to die just like everyone else I knew at that time who had it. After months of depression I finally decided that I was going to go out and have some fun. But first I went down to Florida to see if I could make a way for myself, and I ended up doing the same things. I also got caught up in some serious legal troubles when I was accused of committing a lewd and lascivious act on the child of a so-called friend. I would rather not get into that mess because there were a lot of lies and the little bit of truth that was there had been twisted extensively. So when I found out that I was going to be arrested I took off back to Philadelphia. Back downtown and back to having "FUN". My kind of fun. Drinking, drugging and having sex. That is all I thought about at that time. I was having sex with many men each night, and I never told them I was HIV+, and I might have used a condom with one out of ten. I got my own apartment and started back on female hormones, my breasts grew and I had silicone injected into my face to soften my appearance. The silicone doctor, not an actual doctor, just a transsexual that knew how to do it. So I got my face altered and risked my health further by having industrial silicone injected directly into my face. I ignored the fact that I was HIV+ and kept prostituting and having sex with men for money, drugs and even for free if I was attracted to them. In the years to follow I traveled all over the United States, from one side to another. I stopped for a few days in each city and found the "strip" so I could go make some money to continue my travels. I didn't drive at the time, so I was taking buses and cabs everywhere. I didn't get my license until I was about 30 years old. During the years to follow I had been locked up a few times, and I was extradited back to Florida to face the charges waiting for me there. I spent time in the county jail and was released on probation. I lived in the homeless coalition for a few weeks while I decided what I was going to do. There was nothing to do there but get high and drink and have sex. I violated probation numerous times being arrested for prostitution and so finally I was given 2 years in Dept of Correction, state prison. My prison experiences are not going to be discussed in any detail but I will say that I made the most of the situation, I never dwell on it or worried over it, I kept a smile on my face when I could and I made it through. I had some very horrible experiences that I would wish on nobody. I got out and after one year I ended right back up in Dept of Correction state prison for grand theft. Released in 2006 I have not been in any legal troubles, but I HAVE been through a lot of other troubles. I have tried to use my old ways and experiences to profit and get ahead but I always fall backwards and get a rude awakening. Over the last year or so I have tried to get closer to God and I have tried to change things about myself to better myself. I know I have a long way to go but I have given up trying to be a woman, I gained a lot of weight to hide the breasts and silicone in my face, I am now diagnosed with AIDS as of 2006, I am trying NOW to live my life more on God's terms and not on my own terms any longer. I was doing a few wrong things here and there over the past few years but it seems when I do something happens to make me see and realize just what I am doing is wrong. So I make it right. Being diagnosed with osteoporosis, degenerative disk disease and arthritis has taken its toll on me the last few years and now I do not get around as well as I used to but I STILL keep that smile on my face and do not dwell on it. I thank God for life, the breath in my lungs, family, friends and the Love I feel from people now. There is so much more that I forgot or just left out because I did not want to travel down that road tonight, but I am also trying to put together a time line little by little so I can arrange everything accordingly before I even ATTEMPT to turn it all into a book of my testimony so that I may help others to realize that there is another way and that maybe they are not who or what they THINK they are. I myself have realized that homosexuality is an addiction that can be beat just like any other addiction, and it is hard and addicts fall from time to time. But I think the most important step was actually coming to the conclusion and believing and REALIZING that homosexuality is NOT a lifestyle it is an addiction and it needs to be treated as such in order for anyone to make any positive steps in the right direction. In this world we live in where sex is everywhere and it is nothing to hear vulgar curse words on regular television, where God is being removed from everything we know and Love... these addictions have been accepted and approved by the majority and have become LIFESTYLES, and I pray that those people can see it as I have and be saved. I do not wish to offend or insult anyone but this is real and if you give God a chance, then maybe He can help you see it to. I am STILL learning and becoming closer to God, I am saved and I am His!!! Have a Blessed evening. David
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