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But God
At the age of fourteen I smoked my first marijuana joint and felt like I had discovered an alternative to God. God seemed too restrictive, and I did not want the responsibily of a love so unconditional. I spent the next thirty years using whatever I could to escape the realities of life. I was a wimp. I didn't like the fact that pain was part of growing, so I stayed stoned to escape it.
Then came a time when I wanted to stop getting high, but every fibre of my body would scream for the next drink, the next joint, the next crack rock.
I was addicted to not just the substances, but also a life style and a thought process with very few boundaries. The people I had hurt were collateral damage and nothing more. I did not care, and could not understand why others did. I was resigned to a wasted existence, and any admirable qualities were aberrational to my existence.
Thirty years later I gave my life to Christ and he fill the God size void that had develope at the core of my being. My life has changed so much that sometimes I don't recognize myself. I am still discovering the person I abandoned at fourteen years old. God stayed with me through all the muck and mire I wanted to plod through. Picked me up and dusted me off and watched with a heavy heart each time I went back to the darkness.
When He allowed me to come out, and I decided I had had enough He immediately said I love you still. Come and let me guide you through this life to life eternal.
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