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R U RDY-- Are You ready?
At the young age of 21 in 1989 I was forced by authorities at Gordon college to attend a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Alcohol and drugs took over my life and became my source of comfort and joy. However, it also took away more then I had imagined. My faith, my church family, my friends my trust the trust of other people, and my ability to participate in athletics, almost my education. So I went and followed all the suggestions, and was able to complete college, as I began to rebuild the relationships I had destroyed in the process. However, I found a way to continue to use alcohol. I held a job and was able to maintain most of my relationships, got married. Soon it took its toll on my family again. In 1994 5 years after the first rehab. God sent an angel to me, she was my supervisor, who simply asked me, one night at a work party, “are you ready?” I looked at her and knew in that moment exactly what she meant, that is how the Lord works. I thank God for that moment in time. Three months after the question I went to her and asked for time off so I could go to rehab again. She helped me get my work in order so I could attend. She allowed me to come back to work when I completed the program, she could have let me go. Substances really destroyed me from the inside out. I continued to struggle with the desire to drink it would not leave me. AA has a chip program, this is chips of different colors which mark anniversary dates, a white chip represents beginners or those coming back after drinking again. I gathered many white chips prior to 1994, my last white chip was with me every day and when I was having difficulty with wanting to drink I would hold that in my hand until the desire went away. Ten years went by and Kevin and I were blessed with 3 beautiful girls. I continued to struggle and eventually God drove me back to Him again. Somehow God provided a way for me to attend a week long retreat in Georgia. I did not want to go and leave my family, but deep inside my soul I knew I had to go. At this retreat I was brought to the foot of the cross in desperation finally realizing what the shed blood of Jesus did for me. I received Gods loving embrace(again) on a deep level of understanding, I have not been able to put into words. While on my knees at the foot of the cross, crying not knowing when or if I would ever stop crying, I placed that white chip ,at first I was hesitant to let the chip go, but once it left my hand I felt a warmth and a sense of freedom and love that goes far beyond what words can describe. As I eventually got to my feet I felt as though I was floating my body was lighter and there was renewed hope for my life. A new joy and a new song was in my heart and it was God. What had been destroyed inside was now being repaired by the Holy Spirit. The next two days I spent in prayer, crying, asking forgiveness and receiving forgiveness. That was March 2004 10 years since the last rehab. God healed me. The desire for alcohol was gone, all I wanted was to know Him more and do His work. Now forward to today 6 years since that experience, I can still feel the joy on a deep level, and have trouble talking about it. There are still struggles but they are different because God is inside me, beside me and all around me. I live my life in a very different way today, however I am still me. I am very good at being disobedient, a fact I am not proud to admit, and as I write this tears are coming. Transformation is a hard process as I shed the old and put on the new. The tears are tears of sadness as i think of how long I waited from the first opportunity at Gordon college(that was the start of my way back to the narrow path). But God created us for His work and He does not want me or anybody to get stuck in the negative emotions He wants us to jump for joy. He sent His Son so that we can have life and love more abundantly. I am learning to live in the joy of His love not live in the joy of this world. But now, I want to share the joy with others for whatever purpose God has intended, I missed the boats He sent earlier(the support of Gordon College, friends along the way,Rehab in 1994),but I have finally stepped out, and will wait for the next right step to take with God leading the way.
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