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It's a very very hard road, but well worth the travel
My story probably is not different from most others. But it has been hard for me to terms with everything that was going on in my life. I am still a new Christian and i have a very long walk yet before i am truely on my way with Jesus.
When i was young, i used to attend sunday school with my grandmother. I would wake early, run to her house and we would have breakfast together then we would walk to church. By birth i was to be Catholic, but i have never attended a Catholic church. The church i went to with my grandmother was an Alliance church. But back then at my age i didn't care because i was with my grandmother. Then when my grandmother died, i quit going. I blamed God for taking her away. I was mad and i never went back.
Years past, i did not grow up religious, i thought it was not something i wanted and i called those who did go to church,,bible thumpers. I did bad things during my life, drinking, driving fast, wrecking vehicles, just doing stupid things kids do growing up. I had a few girlfriends but nothing that ever lasted. I had an impaired driving charge and that started me on my road to quitting alcohol.
I stayed single most of my life, i moved around alot for work. Until i settled in the city i am in now. A few years later i met a woman, we dated and decided to marry. Little did i know that this marriage was what would get me back to God. The first 3 years was great, but my wife was hiding a secret from me, i didnt think anything was wrong, i was happy. Then i realized the secret, she was a very very bad alcoholic. The last three years of my married was hell an dit took a heavy toll on my life and health. I was under extreme stress because i knew my wife was drunk everday i went home. I never knew if one day i would come home from work, find her dead from excessive drinking, a fall down the stairs or the house on fire.
The stress finally got to me and i ended up in the hospital. They did test after test on me to find out why i was so ill. It ended up that the doctor performed a test wrong and i was paralyzed from the waist down. I couldn't walk, i couldn't sit, i couldn't lay down with out being in tremendous pain. If i needed something i had to crawl to get it. My wife would not help me. All she wanted was her booze. If i had a doctors appointment, i had to stumble and fall to my truck and drive myself across the city to my doctor. But i didnt give up. I tried everything i could to help my wife beat her addiction even though i couldnt walk. I tried counselling with her, took her to Alcoholics Annonymous, took her to my doctor, offered her a treatment center, everything i offered was refused.
I didn't know what else to do. Finally i decided that i had to help myself. I worked hard, i went to therapy and got to the point where i could shuffle my way around. I went back to work. And after 8 or 9 months i was walking almost normally but still in pain.
Then came blow number 2. I was laid off from my work. Great , now what do i do? no one will hire someone who is in constant pain and cant walk very well, considering i am a heavy duty mechanic by trade. So home i went with the bad news. Then came blow number 3..the same day. my wife shows up home, drunk and no car. She was caught drinking in her car in a public parking lot. Then i get phone calls from strange guys looking for her. It was all i could take. I told her it was over, i couldn't take anymore. So i started divorce proceedings.
I was devastated, here i was, a ruined marriage, ruined health, and no job, i wouldnt leave my house, i stayed in bed. I felt sorry for my self. I wouldnt answer the phone or the door. My family was worried about me. And they had every right to be. The meds my doctor prescribed for me for pain looked like my way out. I would have been easy, no more pain, no more worry. Just restful sleep.
But my brother would have other plans for me. He knew i was hurting and he was hurting inside himself because of me. He finally got into my house and made me go with him. So i got in his car and he drove away. I asked where are we going? He said, you need help and i am going to help you. We pulled into a parking lot and i looked up. I saw a big white cross. I looked at him and said there is no way i am going in there. He said yes you areeven if i have to drag you. And drag he did. He took me into the sanctuary and made me sit down.
I sat and waited. I looked around at all the people and thought to myself, this is no place for me. But i was stuck there and couldnt leave. The pastor came on stage and started his service. I was only half listening. Until he started what seeme like talking straight to me. Everything he said seemed like he lived in the same house as i did and knew what i was going through. SO i listened closer. And it was making sense to me. When it was over and we were leaving, my brother looked at me and said..i see something i haven't seen in a long long time. I said what? He said..you are smiling. Right then i knew i was in the right place.
I was introduced to an elder and he wanted me to come in and tlak to him. I went to the appointment and we sat. I didn't know what to say, i was nervous. He made me feel relaxed when he said, you are with friends, you will be ok. So i told him everything. It just flew out of my mouth, it wouldn't stop. He sat there and listened to me until everything was out. He smiled and told me that all will be ok. And asked me how i liked the services at the church. I told him that everytime i come, i listen and i feel like i am home. He smiled and asked, are you sure? I said yes i am.
He asked me one more very important question, something i never thought i would be asked. He asked me if i was ready to let Christ into my life, to let Him heal me. To let Him bring me back to where i was supposed to be. I looked at him and said..YES, i am ready.
He helped me with a prayer to let Jesus into my heart. When we were done, i had tears in my eyes because i knew i was back, i was home. He hugged me and said welcome to the family. From that day on i knew everything would be ok.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me. June 5,2009, is my second birthday, the day i was born anew into a better and loving life. Two months later i was baptised. I love my new life. It has brought me happiness, rest, and basically a stress free way of looking at life.
I am still new in my faith and there are still stuggles i face, but i know i can do it. With the help, support and love of my family and my new church family, I can do anything. And knowing that the strength and love of the Lord now within me, my life will always be what i had always dreamed of.
Thank you for your time and space to be able to allow me to do this
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